Wednesday, October 20, 2010


I am really good avoiding things that I do not want to deal with. I know it is one of the things I need to get better at. So, what is it I am avoiding this time? Well, I'm getting depressed again.

I don't think it is a big one, I don't feel trapped in a hole; but I feel myself slipping. Things from my past have creeped back into my mind and I made a big mistake in my relationship with Will. On top of that, my personal relationships with everyone are suffering right now. I am having a huge power struggle that I need to fix.

The problem comes in here; I am too proud to ask for help or admit that there is an issue. I am not taking my anti-depressants anymore (selfish disease) so I am dealing with this pretty much on my own and it's not rainbows and butterflies.

One of my depression triggers is control. If I feel out of control, I lose it. The other big one is dates. There are some big dates for me in the Summer and Winter that trip me out. The Winter one is coming up and I'm not looking forward to it.

I want to be able to spill it all out on here, but I can't do that. To protect myself and my family, I have to keep things private.

What am I going to do about this looming depression before it eats me? I'm going to eat dark chocolate, spend more time in the sun, and give this exercising thing another shot.

That's about it. I'm also going to try to write more meaningful posts.

<3 Swt


  1. love and strength to you. Pull in the help you can from family and friends adn look after you!

  2. I'll be praying for you, and hoping things get better. Sunshine and exercise sounds like a great start.

  3. I love you, Sarah. You can always call or text when you need to talk. You don't have to worry about protecting me, I know you better than you remember sometimes. ;) Hang in there, just a few weeks before you get to see me. Love you.
    -The Fairy God Diva