Monday, November 22, 2010

I'm Pretty Sure I'm Depressed

I had a really hard day yesterday. Will and I got into it again and it just really took a toll on me. Add on to that all the relationship weirdness I'm going through right now and a baby that won't sleep. Yeah, I'm about a mess.

Last night when the baby started his crying and I couldn't calm him down all I could do was cry with him. I ended up taking him to my mom, tears in my eyes, and telling her I couldn't do it. She finally got him calmed down and he slept the rest of the night. But I hit my breaking point last night. Something has to give now.

I am still hopefully going back to Arkansas on Friday for a much needed break. Maybe getting away from here will help me clear my mind. I feel really terrible saying this, but a big part of me wishes I could leave the baby here. I am giving him all I can and it doesn't seem to be enough. No matter what I do, he cries. And my supply is really low. I'm just barely keeping up with how much he needs during the day. That in itself is a HUGE stress.

I have been trying really hard to reconnect with myself, but that seems to be getting me into trouble. I will say that my methods for doing so maybe are not the best in the world. I need to do something for myself that really is just for me. I'm not even sure what that might be.

Well, that's really about all I have to say about the world right now. Thanks for reading guys.

<3 Swt

1 comment:

  1. I know that it is hard to know this in the moment but this too shall pass. Take care of yourself. For your son's sake. Do whatever you need to to get yourself better. Having a baby is hard enough without having any extra drama.