Today’s Word: Vulnerable
vul·ner·a·ble [vuhl-ner-uh-buh l]
1. capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt, as by a weapon: a vulnerable part of the body.
2. open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.: an argument vulnerable to refutation; He is vulnerable to bribery.
“I do not like being vulnerable.” I think that most people would share this sentiment, for me when I am feeling vulnerable everything else goes to shit. I think there are certain situations that can benefit from one being vulnerable such as in therapy or when opening up to a loved one, but even those are terribly uncomfortable situations to be in.
One of my dear friends summed up her feelings on vulnerability as such: “I feel like I showed up for school in my underwear…I just never know what to do with these moods because I can’t ask for reassurance and I can’t convey my fears properly so I end up just feeling silly.” I couldn’t have said it better myself.
As most of you know I don’t live with Psycho at the moment but we are still very close and I think the relationship still has potential, but in the mean time I have been fostering relationships with friends and making new friends. I am rapidly falling in love (friend love) with these new friends and it honestly freaks me out like no other.
When people start getting close to me I have to start cutting doors into the walls that I have built up around myself. If you don’t cut the hole in the right place the whole wall might fall down on my new friends and that would just be bad. So I’m being careful and trying to be as open and honest as I can while at the same time not letting all of my crazy smash them in their faces.
To my new friends that are probably going to read this: you guys are so great and I’m so happy that I found you. I hope that I am doing a good job of not being crazy and of being open so that you guys can get to know me and so that I can get to know you. Please stick with me even when I get kind of weird…it happens sometimes and I’ll try to warn you.
I have one other piece of new on the vulnerability front. Kristin from Wanderlust has asked that on November 18 we all commit to Speak Out against domestic violence and I have added my name and link to this list. This means that I will be telling my hardest story right here for you all to see. I’m scared that I will be judged, but I have a feeling that more likely I’ll be understood. I’m proud to add my name to the list of bloggers and others on all sorts of social media outlets that will be taking a stand again domestic violence. If you want more information, go here.