Friday, May 7, 2010

Am I Scared?

Uh, well I wasn't. Until my doctor decided that we should induce. That was on Monday. But even then I wasn't really scared because Peanut still had time to come on his own. So obviously he would. Now it's Friday and my induction is tomorrow morning. I guess Peanut does still have time to start this on his own, but I don't think he will. So am I scared? Yes.

I hate being scared; I'm a really anxious person anyways so anything that has the potential to go badly freaks me out. I have been trying to identify the things that scare me and then dealing with them just like my therapist taught me 2 years ago. I'm scared of IVs because people who are dying need IVs (in my mind it works that way because every time a loved one has died that have had tubes and IVs everywhere). I'm scared of not knowing what the contractions will feel like, not that they will hurt because I know that, I just don't know what they will feel like. I'm scared that for some reason Will will have to leave me, I know he won't, but what if he does? I'm scared that I will have to have a C-section. I'm scared that I will be so vulnerable that somehow they will convince me to get an epidural that I really don't want. And I'm scared of the stitches I will most likely need at the end of all this, I've never had stitches before.

On another note, it looks like I will be spending my first Mother's Day in the hospital. That's kind of lame, but at least I will have the baby, so that makes it better.

I'm really not looking froward to this at all. I'm going to take my computer tomorrow and hopefully make a post while I'm in labor. That would be cool.

Love you guys.

1 comment:

  1. Happy Mother's day, hope everything went well!