Sunday, April 10, 2011

Time for a Tailspin

I am totally burnt out. I am giving everything I can, and I'm pretty sure it isn't enough. I go to work everyday, cook dinner almost every night, put the baby to bed, clean the house as much as I can stand to, so the laundry and listen to the air raid that is our washer, then go to bed and start all over again. I don't have time to be me. Oh, and I'm starting classes again in less than a week.

I'm terrified that I can't do this. I know that I don't really have a choice, but every time I think about the to-do list I just want to cry. There is so much that has to be done and right now it's mostly on me to get it done. Psycho Knight is working a lot of extra hours right now, and that will be over pretty soon, but even then, Thursday through Monday still falls in my lap.

I'm trying to do too much and none of it is being done as well as it should be. I feel like I'm not being the best mom I could be and above all, that breaks my heart. This weekend especially has been hard. I took away his pacifier Becca's it is best for him, but he has been crying all weekend. Yesterday he also nursed all day, which was nice, I needed that connection again.

On top of all this, I'm just kind of down. I think between the medication I'm taking for my milk supply, all the stress recently, and not taking good care of myself I am setting myself up for a tailspin. I know damn good and well that this could go very badly very quickly and that I need to stop it before the spinning gets so fast that I can't pull myself out of it. I can't afford to be crazy and I also can't afford the stress that will put on my family.

Time to figure out a plan I guess.



  1. Just caught up with this. Hope you are travelling okay.