A few weeks ago I made a post about feeling vulnerable, that you can read here, and I mentioned that I was going to be writing a piece to post for Speak Out which is an event that Kristen from Wanderlust has come up with to promote awareness about domestic violence. That post is scheduled to go up at 8 am tomorrow morning but first I wanted to explain some things.
First: I do have a history with domestic violence, both the physical and emotional type. So far my list of boyfriends goes something like this: manic depressive with self harming tendencies, physically and emotionally abusive with self harming tendencies, emotionally abusive, and one that was just a bit off and had sociopathic tendencies. I have no idea how this happened; I grew up in a safe and loving home and had a pretty easy life, it's not just people that were abused as children.
Second: I may or may not still be in the victim mind frame but I do not completely blame my abuser for everything that happened. As you will see in the post it was a little bit of both of us, he just happened to be stronger. I almost always initiated the physical aspect of the fights because I would be cornered and scared.
Third: There are parts of this post that are going to be hard to read and some readers will judge me for. I refuse to be attacked on my blog, so if I get one mean comment I am going to turn the comments off. I have not forgiven myself for my actions so I do not expect you to, but I really do not want too hear about it.
Fourth: Parts of my story have been left out because they are deep, deep secrets that no one knows and I do not intend for them to find out via blog post. I also will not be linking to the post from my Facebook page. If you want to read it and you usually go though FB, you'll have to just come over here.
I hope that you will join me on Friday and write, Tweet, or post on Facebook to help raise awareness about domestic violence so that it doesn't have to be a dirty secret anymore.