The first few nights at home with the baby were spent with me moving him back and forth between a moses basket on my bed, a travel bed on my bed, his pack n' play, and then just the bed. It did not go well and I just kept crying because I couldn't sleep with my kid.
I am a firm believer in co-sleeping. I slept with my parents until I was 11 or 12 years old and I loved it, so I want my son to have the same opportunity. That is easier said than done when you are pretty sure your kid is going to die. I couldn't let him sleep in his bed because then I couldn't hear or feel him breathing, so I wasn't sure he was still alive. Then in the basket and travel bed I was pretty sure he would roll over and suffocate. The last option was to sleep by me. Well then I might roll over on him and kill him. So I had to make some decisions.
One of the nights that Will spent the night I put Peanut in the bed with us and he slept in Will's arms with my hand on his chest. And no one rolled over on him and he didn't die. Since then Peanut has been sleeping with me every night and has even learned how to wiggle his way over to my boob and can eat without even having to wake me up. I love it. And I'm ecstatic that I was finally able to became comfortable sleeping with him.
That's it for now.