Monday, December 6, 2010

The Ice Queen Is Dying

I have been an Ice Queen for a pretty long time now. Displays of emotion don't go over well with me so I pretend to be indifferent.

Before we get further in I need to explain the back story. I have been dating my male best friend Psycho Knight. He is not my boyfriend and we are not exclusive but we have been seeing each other. Well he found some stuff that his ex left behind and it brought up a lot of old hurt for him.

Well since PK is my best friend he obviously told me about it and then something unexpected happened. It made me really sad. It made me feel like I am second best and that he is settling for me because he can't have her.

That is when I did something crazy. I told him how I feel, and believe it or not, it actually helped. I am learning that being Ice Queen may protect me from getting hurt, but it also keeps me from feeling emotions like I should. In order to make the relationship with PK work, I have to be able to put myself out there and express how I feel in appropriate ways.

I am trying really hard to be completely present in this and build something totally honest and real with him. It's hard and it is scaring the living shit out of me, but he is worth it.

Pretty soon here he and I are going to have to sit down and have a conversation about our pasts because there is some less than pretty stuff there for both of us. I think we both need to know what we are getting into before it comes up unexpectedly later on.

<3 Swt


  1. Yay! I think that's all I need to say for you to know what I'm thinking about all of this. Good for you, girl. Love you!
    -The Fairy God Diva

  2. Oh Sarah! I was once given a hat with Ice Queen on it, because of my inability to express emotion.

    It took me 29 years to start to open up the way you are now. You are truly on a good path. Being hurt isn't the end of the world. I'm SO SO SO glad to have let my Knight in (though he had to persist for YEARS) and it has truly made me a happier person.

    Best of luck.