Sometime You Have to Talk About the Hard Stuff

Psycho Knight and I are getting fairly serious; I'll probably be moving in with him sometime in the next few months. When you have a child with someone other than the man you are dating there are a lot of logistics to deal with. When someone wants to be with me they have to also want to be with my son, we're a package deal.

So what are these logistics I speak of? Well first off the co-sleeping thing. We are working on transitioning Peanut into his own bed because it is unfair to expect PK to go from sleeping alone to sleeping with me and a baby; and I'm assuming that it would make Will uncomfortable to know that another man is sharing a bed with his kid. The next on the logistics list is that Peanut has to have a room when we move in. That means not only am I moving in and taking over part of the house, but he loses a whole room also. These aren't all that major for PK and I to deal with, these are the easy tasks to manage.

The harder ones are not so black and white. I have no idea what role PK will play in Peanut's life. Assuming we get married, PK will be Peanut's step-dad, but what should the kid call PK? Should he be called by his first name, maybe a name alternative for dad? I just really have no idea. What about discipline? Will and I do not spank and I will not allow PK to spank my child, but to what extent will PK be an authority figure?

I know all of this depends on how quickly things progress and what happens with Will. All of this really scares me though, I'm afraid that we will totally fuck with this child's mind and he will never really understand how relationships and families work.

Swt

Baby, Why Won't You Sleep?

I want to start off by saying that I am blessed to have such an amazing baby. That being said, he has decided that sleep isn't his favorite activity. I'm so tired from all the fighting I have to do to get him to sleep. Some nights he cries for 2 or more hours.

I have been trying what I call "Modified Crying It Out." I don't just throw him in his crib and let him scream, instead I lay down with him and hold him until he wears himself out.

I really hate letting him cry like that, but nothing settles him down. Even though he is exhausted, he fights sleep so hard. We finally figured out that sometimes the rocking chair helps, but not always.

The problem is that when your baby is crying uncontrollably and you can't fix it, you feel like a lousy mom. I know that I am a good mom, but this would make anyone question their abilities.

On top of all my other stress, this one just makes everything else so much worse. He only cried for a few minutes tonight, so maybe the spell has been broken. We can always hope.

<3 Swt