Hidden Away

Last night Psycho Knight and I were having a conversation about some of my friends coming over. He said that if my ex EVER finds out where we live and shows up that there will be big issues. I got to thinking about our house and where it is. Only 4 people in my circle know exactly where I live; my parents, The Bestie, and Jules. No one else really knows more than that we are north of the river.

It’s an odd thing not having anyone know where to find me. It makes me feel very safe. As in the case of my ex; I don’t really put it past him not to show up unannounced, but the only people that know how to get to my house will never be in contact with him.

I know I have bitched about feeling secluded up here by myself there is a huge part of me that is grateful for having my home being so unknown. Before PK and I started dating I would go to his apartment to hide. No one knew where I was or how to find me. It’s kind of that same situation still, especially living with him. He has always been a safe place to hide from the world where nothing can hurt me. Every time I would walk into his old apartment I would breathe a sigh of relief because at that moment the world didn’t exist.

Sometimes I find myself kind of anxious for even my parents to come over; like somehow they are infiltrating my fortress and letting the rest of the world in with them. When I wrote This House Tucked In I think I was starting to feel at home in my new home and now I’m realizing that I am home, and that this is where I belong.

Swt

Right...Now I Remember

Sometimes when you feel like your world might cave in, you forget why you've done the things you've done. With all the hours Psycho Knight had been working I was feeling sorry for myself; it was all about me. I've said before that depression is a horribly selfish disease and sometimes even when you are doing alright, the selfish of it comes out. I was being selfih becasue I was loonely and resentful; I had moved up here for him and then he just left me here all alone. I had a pity party and bitched and moaned about it. It's time to stop now.

Last night we had a great night. I hadn't felt well and Peanut wasn't feeling well either. I ended up staying home and sleeping most of the day. When PK finally got home I was excited to see him. I had been lonely, but for the first time in awhile I was just happy that I got to be with him. We laughed and wrestled and played all niight. We didn't go to bed until way late and I had to wake up way too early like I do every morning. But it was so worth it. I got to reconnect with my man I was reminded of why I came up here and made the sacrifices that I did. I made them because I love him and he is worth it.

It's really easy to get caught up in what we have given up; it's a lot harder to remember what we have gained inspite of the hardships. Money has been so tight, and then his car died, and then he was working too much, and stuff with my job was not going like I thought it was. It was hard. Being a grown up is HARD! So much harder than I ever thought it could be. But I get to sleep with my partner every night, I get to kiss him goodbye every morning, I get a constant shoulder to lean on when I need it. And you know what...I don't need it as often as I used to. This is what being content is. For the first time I do not have anything to be scared of and I know that it will stay that way.

I remember why I thought he was worth it...it's because he is worth it and always has been. And my happiness is worth it.

It's Facebook Official

Me: So I'm changing my relationship status...

Psycho Knight: We're getting there.

I just cant decide between "it's complicated" and "open relationship"

Well open relationship would imply a boyfriend/ girlfriend thing

So maybe I should put open relationship

Are you asking me to go steady? lol

Maybe

:)

Is that a yes?

Hellz yeah

So there you have it. Apparently I have committed at least in some form. It's freaking me out a little, but in a fun/I want to puke kind of way. Already this relationship is different than the last ones. With the others I never really cared if I saw them a lot, but I want to see PK all the time and it breaks my heart when I have to leave. And all these dumb songs on the radio remind me of him. It's so adorable I want to punch myself in the face sometimes.

Swt