Apparently I hate conflict of, really, any sort. It makes me nauseous and panic-y. Psycho Knight and I are having a disagreement about some family stuff and I really just want to drive out to his house and snuggle up with him and make everything ok.
We got off the phone on a bad note, even though we still said "I love you." But now, even trying to tell him that I am dropping this whole thing, he won't answer my texts. I know this is just how he deals with conflict and I know that it is to avoid hurting me, but it breaks my heart. It's the best way to hurt me.
In my past silence meant that things were at their worst. It meant that the conversation was over and that I was in trouble and that a shitstorm was coming soon and probably a break up. Further in my past it meant that it would be continued in person possibly in a physical way. Silence scares me.
I don't know how to put this into words to him. I don't know if it would matter if I did.
This hurts even more because he is my best friend. If I were dating someone else and this happened, I would call him. I can't do that right now.
As my friend JJ says "relationships have the potential to ruin everything." Feels kind of true right now.